with but a kiss from the sun,
a stain from the salt.
of the moment.
they wash away as quickly as they come.
and hips begin to move in the wake of the sun. smokey chambers meant for the young of heart will gather the spirits that thwart the morning mediocrity.
In the city of lights only bright at night.
In flight from the morning gloom of daylight.
Costumes of painted eyes and twisting thighs in skinny jeans. It means but a moment. A minutes worth of an hour,
cold showers to follow.
Swallow what you can of this space filled with friends.
These smokey illusions that make you laugh.
Had a dream that her and I went into Subway to get sandwiches and ketchup packets dressed in unitards and bunny ears. We laughed hysterically at each other and the situation. she was dancing on a giant napkin dispenser. I kept laughing. The other bad-ass leather-and-spike wearing weapon-wielding possy of 5 who came in with us, did not laugh.
I’ve been in tokyo for a month.
As inspiring, amazing and amusing as it is, it can be overwhelming.
The ever hustling dark-haired corporate madness is accompanied by an equally as surreal cascade of glittering, glimmering, crashing and flashing movements of the florescent tokyo streets. A moment of serenity can be difficult to come by, especially if your only escape is to a tiny temporary tin-can apartment with paper walls. Able to hear your neighbors go from story-telling laughter, to venting hopelessly on skype to their loved ones about the same perpetual madness. Sixteen hour days with six hours of daylight. Stillettoes and still frames and standing for hours and sitting for hours and waiting for hours so that we can smile, jump, spin and show how to wear this fluffy jacket with matching hat… for hours. Its fine. Its fun. Its even at times funny. So thats what we’re here for. thats what we’re all here for. Our mission for money begins for a moment to turn to our homesick count-down for homebound flights.
Our minds getting lost with our language.
Losing willpower with lost inches.
Longing for our lovers.
The rigidity of the Japanese culture is foreign and imposed upon foreign girls here for work. And work it we do. And when, if we chance upon it, have a moment of free time, we sometimes forget that we can chose what to do with it. what to do. what should we do?
what should we do to RELAX?
How, with 4 hours to waste before the next set of castings.
On this day, the air was breezy with a warmth you could smell. This November day completely out of place with the constant chilly rain of the week before. The sun beginning its descent into a cement horizon, we decided to follow it. We followed it down highways to main streets, side streets to treats of trees, to a park.
An oasis in an ocean of hard grey edges and angles.
Lina and I made ourselves a nest in the long grass atop this hill. We finished our espressos that we got along the way and let ourselves be quiet for a while, even letting ourselves fall asleep. sprawled in the grass among our dark clothes, we might have seemed out of place to the families and couples that seemed to gather here. The park was far from empty. But there was a comfort in knowing that everyone else who was here was searching for the same thing. the same peace. The same dipping sun, and the same light through the trees that made everyone feel fresh and young and awake.
And waking with the wake from the sun is what we did.
realizing and forgetting all at the same time.
forgetting that we were ever stressed at all because this light was just too perfect. Realizing that the light of a dying day can inspire you to live a little more.
To sleep a little less.
To be aware of what is beautiful
To forget about what doesn’t really matter anyway….
Lina* pants: H&M, scarf: H&M, Sweater: Stockholm, t-shirt: ACNE, shoes: Wedins
Elyse* sweater:Rick Owens, vest: Helmut Lang, t-shirt: Filipa K., jeans: Givenchy, boots: Prada
I had a dream about a black wall that was the sky.
Black and spinning around a half smiling moon, it looked into a glass box so big it held a forest, a field and a road inside.
I had arrived at the end of a long and winding dirt road where I stopped, getting out of my small grey car.
It was cold.
The black and spinning wall was colder. Maybe even more so because I could not pass. Maybe because I was dissapointed that there was even a wall at all. I removed my hand and backed away. Turning I looked around at my dark, giant, enclosed space. The moon seemed to laugh at me as it danced along the tips of leaves and grass and roads leading to nowhere until it reflected more dimly on another, darker wall. The direction I assume I must have come from.
There were four walls. And a top. Dark black glass with a two dimensional grinning moon.
I hated that moon for being able to touch the tips of my world, but not letting me beyond this box. Not even letting me see through the cold glass that kept me in.
But maybe, I thought, just beyond this glass there is something not so dark. Maybe just on the other side, there is SOMETHING.
and as if the moon could read my thoughts, it said no. Only this moon, and the dark.
and in the convicted way of dreams, I believed it.
I glared back at the moon for a long minute.
I asked, just the moon, and the dark?
Yep. Only me, and the dark.
then I said, with the convicted way of dreams,
Then at least there’s no box…..
So this year, i had my b-day in tokyo. worked at 4 15 am the next day. party was a sprinted 20 minutes complete with balloons, string, party hats, vegan pumpkin pie (i think), 5 people including my bf who surprised me with the 20 min party, my lovely lina, irina, and alina (lots of “-ina’s”, I know… ). so.. party pow-wow in my tiny tokyo tin-can apartment. fun times!
So yea, today at a shoot I got a huge sheet of left over photography paper. Since I’m gonna’ be alone in this hotel for 3 nights with not much else to do in small King of Prussia ( where? exactly) I brought my art stuff. So now I’ve been working on this painting. I’m not sure what it’ll be like when its done, but its something to do to distract me from the earlier part of my day.
…Its no fun waking up at 6am to your phone busted in a puddle INSIDE your bedroom, missing a train, spending an extra 120 on another ticket, and being late for a job anyhow, and having to do it all without a phone which needed to be replaced….good bye $750.00, hello free paper and craft-catharsis
anyway, here it is…
Today its cold. Its raining. And im trapped in suburbia without a car or any desire to get dressed. Curling up with a cup of tea and a Snuggie by my window seem way more appealing.Up until now, I have been flying around like a mad man. Its been a while since I last posted, so figure what better time than now.
There is so much to tell, that I’ll do my best to paraphrase without writing a novel. First ill start by saying this is one of my favourite years so far. oh yes,I said year. I have been on a life-high since the end of october, and since the beginning of january vowed to make sure that this year I travel for me, allowing myself the time to take in all that surrounds me. Becoming equally as separate as I am unified with the changing background. Feeling finally like the observer…
I have been painting, drawing, and dreaming like crazy. My last month abroad can definitely be credited for the still apparent buzz in my head. Oh what the rainforest can do…
The night before I left for Costa Rica, I slept for maybe 2 hours. I figured I could sleep on the plane instead of wasting time that would be better spent with my friends and boyfriend. I arrived at the airport by 5am. I had already started to fall asleep in the plain when an old lady started talking to me. I roused myself awake. “Are you sure you wanted to sit by the window?” she said again. Yea if you dont mind, I said back. She started talking about how it was her first time traveling to Costa Rica. I said me too. And then for the rest of the entire flight ( about 6.5 hours with our delay) she talked. I know her entire life story. The name of her son, his girlfriends, their jobs, their problems, how she thinks I should meet her son because she likes me more than them. How her husband recently died, where on the plane her body guard was sitting, all her nicknames, the price of her giant saphire and diamond ring, how she is being “courted” by a man 23 years younger than her who is from India, and has yet to take her for dinner. how the only man she’d slept with was her dead husband who she loved so much. How she does yoga and is excited to wear a bikini again, and is terrified of facebook, how people say she talks too much and has to be careful what she says ( didnt stop her though). How she takes medication for anxiety and depression. How she took extra for the flight because she hates flying….
Sleep for me wasn’t going to happen. How can I compete with a lonely person and a double dose of uppers? so I listened. Its interesting to hear some ones life story in less than a day. I wonder where I’ll be when I’m her age? Will I be talking about my entire life to a kid? maybe the other way around because more often than not, I get people telling me about their lives without having known me for very long. I dont mind though. I like hearing different peoples stories. Maybe thats what makes it easy for people to talk about them. All you need is a willing and interested listener after all.
The german lady just next to me and “Bunny” had her own interesting story. I guessed her to be about 28. natural blond hair, bright eyes, and fresh skin with a ruggedly handsome “younger” boyfriend. Turns out shes a 49 year old lawer from Berlin on vacation with her 40 year old boyfriend, currently on her way to teach at a yoga seminar. woah! definitely thought she was a backpacking student or something along those lines. Just goes to show people are worth listening to before they get a label. fuck labels. They’re for cans anyway…
So.. yes… I’m diverging completely from my original story!…
so I get off the plane, say goodbye to Bunny and Marion ( not without having exchanged information with promise of visits to Berlin and Jersy). Im in San Jose for the night. Its about 30 degrees celcius. Im alone, in a new country with my backpack, duffle-bag and note/sketch books. in the evening I meet my guide. There are about 13 people who are booked for this adventure tour making a circuit around the country. Im the youngest by 7 years. And one of the 3 people traveling alone. I didn’t care that I was the youngest, and talked with everyone. In the morning, we’d be getting a bus to sarapiqui. The beginning of our 10 day long trip through the hills, country, and forest.
I want to go into detail from start to finish, but I’m realizing that i have no intention or time to write a Tolkin-style novel. im sure no one would have the time to hear it all. So ill say things like this instead:
-I slept in a tent in the rainforest of sarapiqui. falling asleep to the sound of the rain on my tent, the howler monkeys, and the congo. having to catch a small possum and remove it along with a spider before i lay down for the night. everything was damp for 3 days. walking around our camp, i felt like i was in the movie avatar. i wouldnt be surprised if a blue person jumped out and whiplashed me in the face with their tale. Id probably just say “oh, i should have seen that coming, lets go chill by the tree of life”… or whatever.
the colours and shapes and smells of that forest were out of imagination. As long as the flowers didnt go Jumangi on me and start shooting poisonous darts, Id be content to wander forever in that forest. i didnt even mind the more-often-than-not drizzle, because rainbows were a constant, and it helped relieve the heat. I went horseback riding in the landscape of rolling hills and trees, terrified when we pretty much scaled the side of a cliff on horse back.
On our second day in sarapiqui a few of us decided we wanted to go canyoneering! it was AWESOME. its rapelling down waterfalls. DOWN WATERFALLS! there were 5 or 6, and even a giant one with a cave behind it. ive definitely dreamed this place before… or maybe i saw in in Jerasic Park? Now i was imagining little green dinosaurs chasing after us. An interesting game to motivate movement . I volunteered to be the first to go for each drop. It was such a rush! but theres no way i could wait for people to go terrified in front of me. So I went. I was soaked for 3 hours. which is all fine when your IN the water, but not so much when you have to hike 30 minutes out of the forest. heading to “town” ( a smoke shop, convenient store, hostle and 2 restaurants) was on the back of a rickety old truck down an unpaved road. that pretty much describes most of my A-B travel methods. Dinners at restaurants ( complete with my papaya-rum smoothies) averaged to around 6 bux! any houses passed along the way were no bigger than my kitchen. kids and weather-worn old people sitting in the doorways, watching as our small group pass. The next place on out list was Monte verde.
The most interesting A-B thus far. With only one bumpy unpaved road to get there, what may have been a 20 minute drive was 2 hours of slow progression around holes, over endless hilltops, around beckoning cliff-side bends through fog, then rain, then sunshine, followed by a storm, passing a mudslide ( and the truck taken down in it), with sunshine again, then drizzle then sun again. we stopped once.
We stopped along the side of the road where there was a little shop/ restaurant. and OH MY GAWD! WILD IGUANAS EVERYWHERE! in the trees, on the ground, all just hangin’ out. woah. picture? you bet i got pictures. and a video!
but lets move on because we must. All over costa rica the weather is known to change in the blink of an eye, along with the ecology. Apparently it all depends on what hill your on and how high on which side during whatever season. Monte verde is beautiful no doubt. and because its so secluded and takes so long to get there, you can really taste the culture. Also being in the mountains means zip-lining! thats right. I did it. Theres no turning back when you book an adventure tour. I hiked up the hills and climbed up trees only to zip over the forest to the next tree. i was fortunate enough to get on the line that was the longest in costa rica! it was so RAD! I PASSED OVER A RAINBOW! so much fun! other people were (figuratively) shitting themselves. someone barfed. Someone even passed out at some of the scarier lines. I was like “bring it the fuck on! This is SO AWESOME”
oh man. of course there was the occasional ecotour. I visited a coffee plantation, and even an organic chocolate one. the chocolate one was my favourite because I got to lick the bowl of freshly made rainforest chocolate .. Hell yes! could life be better than that? never. Im really trying my hardest not to write a billion reasons why Costa Rica is so amazingly beautiful and all the reasons and ways im inspired by it. but its hard. There were more places I’m not explaining, and these are merely the highlights. Now that im thinking about it, I haven’t even talked about hiking up an active volcano, going in hot springs, visiting an old woman and having lunch with her and her family after she taught us how to make tortillas. Catching a baby boa to the complete horrification of the other people hiking with me…I think that one of the best decisions I’ve made this year was to travel alone and for myself to this beautiful country in South America. I have wanted to go there since I was 14, and finally have.
You don’t realize how much you can learn about yourself and the lives of others until your thrown into a completely new atmosphere on your own.
And if you decide when and where that happens you definitely have the upper hand!
As cheesy as it might be to say, I think this trip ended up being about meeting new and completely different and amusing people, discovering personal strengths, over coming weaknesses (note to self, pack a raincoat next time), and realizing why I needed to get away in the first place. Best time ever.
… Oh if only I had the time and attention span to continue….
definitely 3 giant rainforest leaves
So I’ve had a glass or two (maybe three) of wine…(okay, four, whatever) and my baby sis is hanging with me finally. Shooting-the-shit like we always do when we’re together, often encourages spontaneity.
We have been knows to:
have competitions for who can make the ugliest face
do “drive-by’s” ( this is when your driving, stop at a red light, and collectively agree to make a specific face at the people waiting beside you to make them feel awkward)
stand beside people looking in porn shops, and having a “serious” discussion about a Black Fist, for the sake of the reaction.
…AND flash people in convenient stores.
…and by “flash people in convenient stores”, I mean melanie about 20 minutes ago… and I almost peed myself laughing.
Little did I know that on our way to improve our dwindling wine collection, that under Melanies’ trench she had only panties and a bra…. oh let me count the ways she amuses me…
And after much editing, I think this post-wine-post is safe and at least a little amusing.
I came across this kick-ass website that has all this indi/ new/ rad music, and I’m hooked on it. The best thing is that its got so many different sounds, so whoever is listening to it can find something they like. Last week, dinner and drinks at my place turned into a dance party in my kitchen of four that lasted for hours!… woke up 3.5 hours later for my flight the next day, lips red, teeth blue, and dancing through customs…
anyway, here it is if you haven’t already heard of it….. http://hypem.com/#/
So evidently I have been MIA in the blogging world as of late because of a billion reasons. Life being one of them. A quick re-cap:
-sister arrived safely in tokyo
-worked nearly every day she was here
-hung out after doing random wanderings and discovering places
-kareokee’d with sister, lina, lina’s bf, and random japanese homies (when I didnt have work the next day) and took a billion retardedly funny pictures with christmas props.
- bickered with my sister about 40% of the trip home. Laughed about the awkwardly inappropriate korean man sitting next to us during the 12 hour flight the other 60%
-got home on the 22nd and realized that there was a whole other 85% to that equasion that I forgot about. CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
-23rd morning: Called up my friend Adrian who had actually planned to get all his shopping in on the 24th, but who had graciously changed his plans and went “early” with me. Tag-team christmas-shopping+ car+ hilariously entertaining friend= best idea ever!
-23rd afternoon: rode a plasma car (intended for toddlers) out of a toy store passed 10 year-olds who looked at me like I was retarded… later convinced my dad and his wife leona to try it because it was so wickedly awesome.
-24th, 25th, 26th, 27th ( christmas dinners with my giant, ever-growing family) and chillin’ with my best girl Becky. A crazy schedule cant prevent the inevitable as-if-we-was-12 sleepover. (I miss her now terribly)
-28th and 29th= catching up with my home town besties. (p.s, the movie Avatar is awesome!)
…30th was spent on a packed, 16 hour train missioning it to NY to be with a boy on new years eve.
=KICK-ASS NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO SWEET NEW DECADE!
I have already decided to act on some of my new years resolutions day one:
1) travel for the sake of travel:
-Well, first off, I am in NY for four days after all. Second, last night right before I went out, I booked tickets to Costa Rica and back. I was just thinking that I’ve always wanted to go there, how awesome it would be to trek through forest, see crazy animals, experience a different culture, and not have to work a day while I’m there. I go at the end of February . Hopefully a friend of mine is coming with me… We played with the idea of Cambodia, and I was almost about to book the ticket, but decided to research a bit first. Adventure, beautiful landscape, random abandon, roughing it in the wild, third-world feel that is scary and exciting and new, and all with one of the coolest people I know. What more could you want, right? Upon further investigation, 5 days isn’t enough notice to get malaria vaccinations in time, without a guide I might blow up my legs on one of the thousands of mines still covering many areas, and traveling alone or in pairs is strongly discouraged, because there is apparently a problem with bandits targeting lone travelers. I still want to go, but I think some better planning is needed…
even now though, I’m thinking I have 3 more days until my flight back home… maybe I’ll fly to a beach somewhere for two of them.
2) save money…… well, maybe I won’t go to a beach somewhere today… there, I just saved!
3) spend more time with the people I care about: Going home the 4th…
… so far, I think I’m making a pretty good start to an amazing year to come.
We should all actively make sure we do something on this first day of the decade, that is completely for our selves. The way life goes, I’m sure that most people sometimes forget to do that. We’ve just passed through the season of giving, and now its our turn! Try something. Do something that you’ve always wanted to but haven’t yet. externally and/or internally. know that any negative thoughts from last year shouldn’t matter, because its not last year any more. Take time to aknowledg your own life, and how amazing it is. And if perhaps you don’t think it’s amazing at all, aknowledge at least that you can change that. Any bumps along the way to next year should be taken with a grain of salt… a grain of salt, a wedge of lime, and a shot of the best damn tequila you can afford. It definitely helps forget the year before any how
step out of the box and see how great it feels when you realize that you might not need one.
Happy New year every one!!
good luck with your resolutions and your hangovers!